(Just to clarify, I don’t intend for this to become a WoW blog – but there’s some WoW stuff that’s totally blogworthy, and when it pops up, I’m totally gonna blog on it.)
So!
How do I even start – this has been talked to death at this point on all kinds of communities, in PUGs and LFDs, and in g-chat in three guilds I’ve been in, so I know it’s not new. But some people just never seem to get the memo that when they open their mouths [type in-game]the stuff they say matters. It’s not even just in PUG dungeons, either – some days I trip across fuckery enough that I wonder if maybe I’m a magnet for it. Or if the entire player base has collectively lost its sense of propriety.*
I won’t even get into ableism** or homophobia*** – isms are a whole can of worms for another day. What I want to talk about is use of the word rape.
In a LFD group today in Violet Hold, things seemed to be doing well – very well, in fact. Even with us all under 77, the DPS was mighty, the tanking was strong, and the healer… well, the healer was a little bored. It was a lovely group, really. Then this happened:
DPS1: we’re totally raping this place!
me: no, no we’re not. we are, tho’, beating it up pretty well.
-silence-
What I wanted to do was scream, but really, who the heck is gonna hear me? What I wanted to say was, So while we were all pew-pewing away over here, you were trousers-down fucking & demoralizing dragonkin? Or maybe, I wouldn’t advise that you stick your dick in any of these monsters – even if it is your cartoon cock. Put your epeen away, buddy.
But let’s be honest – snappy and witty as they are, either of those responses would have been trivializing. As someone in my guild is quick to point out, if you’ve ever spoken to a rape survivor, one thing that you’re guaranteed to not hear them tell you about the trauma was that it was, “…just like this one time in Arathi Basin – when I was running up to lumber mill – and this warrior came out of nowhere and stun-locked me – and and and the alliance at the same time took the stables and the farm and the gold mine – I wanted to die.”
It drives me crazy that the term rape is bandied around so casually in-game. Rape is not a light issue. It shouldn’t be, and yet we live in a culture that supports rape and rapists, and it shows through language, attitudes, and assumptions. Why is it ok to make light of a traumatizing and life changing experience? Because it’s a game?
It is a game – but it’s a little like being on a (psychedelic) softball team, really – you need ten to raid (if you want to get specific about the softball analogy, assume it’s progression and someone is tanking the floor), you should all generally like each other enough to not bitch about loot (trophies), if you’re guilded (or on lootship), you’re prolly all wearing the same t-shirt or all in T10… Think about this – would you really, in the middle of a softball game, expect to hear a team captain proclaim that they’re raping the other team? How is it that it’s ok to do that in WoW – it can’t be just because the monsters are make-believe, because it happens in PvP too.
And even if it is that it’s justified because the monsters are pixels, why is that ok? I’m not talking about monsters-have-feeling-too**** – this isn’t about hurting monsters’ feelings. It’s about attitude. It’s about not towing the line that rape is just something that happens – or what more, that the person doing the raping is some kind of hero.
What can you do when you run across this kind of business? Simple: speak up. Be willing to have that awkward moment of cricket chirp. Suggest that rather than rape the monster, we spank it, kill it, embarrass it, steal its lunch money, give it a wedgie, school it, murderate it, paint it purple, or make it run back from the GY. When someone in your group says, “Let’s rape this place!” clarify that you’re not a rapist. It’s not cool to talk like that – it’s ok to say so.
Azeroth is bigger than the NPCs – it’s comprised of the real people who play there. Our toons are an extension of ourselves – a little stronger, a little more skilled, maybe even more wealthy. May we all be more heroic.
***
*There’s a wee bit of hyperbole here, natch, but it’s been an awkward few days.
**When you call someone or something retarded, you’re making a statement about retarded people being as crummy as the person or thing you’re talking about. But you know that already.
***Just for the record, people tend to take it poorly when their sexuality is used as an insult. But you knew that too, as you are a kind and gentle reader. Which is why I adore you =)
****Lord Marrowgar needs feeding more than he needs hugs – have you seen how thin he is? You’d be angry too! I’m betting there isn’t a pizza place in all of Azeroth that delivers to ICC. Try something new this Tuesday – bring a casserole along to your raid! Perhaps he’ll fight with you! Bonestorm v. Defile FTW. I’m just sayin’.
Apple Tells All 
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August 20, 2010 at 5:59 pm
I don’t want rape in my video games « So Much WoW, So Little Time
[…] Apple says it perfectly. Read it. Who I Am: CURRENTLY PLAYING Azgalor-US-AllianceKrikket – Level 80Elemental ShamanNorrah – Level 80Protection/Holy Paladin Koraline – Level 68Unholy DPS Deathknight Azgalor-US-Horde Alixandra – Level 80Elemental ShamanRicktus – Level 50Marksman HunterFionna – Level 31Affliction Warlock MOSTLY RETIREDSavilla 80 Priest [H] Katastrophe – 80 Warlock [A] Klyvadia – 80 Warrior [A] Mahirah – 63 Rogue [A] Sunlyte – 63 Druid [H] Svetlannah – 58 Mage [H] What I’m Talking About: […]
August 20, 2010 at 6:14 pm
Lee
Wow. That is an amazing blog entry and so absolutely true. And while the ableism and homophobia-ism are really different subjects, they do go hand in hand.
August 21, 2010 at 2:10 pm
appletellsall
They do go hand in hand – and they also seem to arrive mouth in mouth, pretty frequently. I’m gobsmacked on a regular basis by what people say, and not just in game. Mt first response is almost always, Why does it seem like people are totally ok with being mean? Which comes around to the next response of, Ahhh – they don’t know they’re being mean! and then eventually leads to, Why don’t they know they’re being mean?!
I wonder a lot how it is that our first world society has all this modern life going on, and yet a huge percentage of the population is completely unaware that they’re being cruel off the cuff? Blows. My. Mind.
I guess the only way to combat it is with kindness, if that makes sense – kindness and a thick skin for when folks get defensive…
xoxox
August 22, 2010 at 1:27 am
Kah
You might want to check your dictionary, according to your example the word is being used reasonably appropriately.
August 22, 2010 at 3:39 pm
appletellsall
And you, gentle reader, might want to check your sensibility! While the word rape can indeed be used in the sense of plunder as well, that use has generally fallen out of the contemporary lexicon, and is very seldom seen – exceptions tend to include: a) lyricism, and b) in the case of people who are trying to use semantics in defense of their own asshattery*.
Seriously, friend, one should seek the spirit of the language when they use it – language does not exist in a bubble; it pertains to a conversation with other people**. The word rape is a loaded word, meaning that it has layers of meaning and iconography attached, all of which are present when the word is spoken. Clinically, it means a few things:
rape***
1 /reɪp/ Show Spelled [reyp] Show IPA noun, verb, raped, rap·ing.
–noun
1.
the unlawful compelling of a woman through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse.
2.
any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person.
3.
statutory rape.
4.
an act of plunder, violent seizure, or abuse; despoliation; violation: the rape of the countryside.
5.
Archaic . the act of seizing and carrying off by force.
–verb (used with object)
6.
to force to have sexual intercourse.
7.
to plunder (a place); despoil.
8.
to seize, take, or carry off by force.
–verb (used without object)
9.
to commit rape.
If you look at this definition as a whole, yes there are nonsexual implications, but the larger meaning of the word is referenced to the sexual meanings. So what you are saying is that you’ve found some, “loopholes,” which would allow an individual to use the word rape to not mean having sex with someone without their consent. How clever!
It doesn’t wash, tho’. Let’s look at the bigger picture, shall we? One cannot deny that when the word is used in the general context of Trade n’ Raid Trolls(TM) that it’s being used for shock value. People don’t just say things that are hot-button by accident**** – they are looking either to be purposefully offensive, or, more likely, looking to give strength to their language through hyperbole or shock value.
I’ll break it down for you, my dear Devil’s Advocate: I do not believe that the majority of people in-game are looking at an uncommonly used definition when they tell me they were, “raped in Arathi Basin,” or when they, “raped Violet Hold.”
In short, using the word rape as if it has no loaded meaning is a support of rape culture. So please knock it off. Clever counts for bubkis when you’re hurting other people. In my general observation, people don’t log on with the intention of being hurt, bullied, or triggered, no matter how cleverly it could happen. People log on to play, to have a good time (and pretty generally not to argue semantics).
tl;dr
What it comes down to is this: If you’re not ok with people being raped, if you can’t get behind raping, don’t make like you do, loophole or not. Stop perpetuating rape culture.
*Not that I think you’re indulging in asshattery – I merely believe you are playing Devil’s Advocate here. That is what you’re doing, right? Right?
**Or in the case of some written material, for an audience.
***Pulled from dictionary.com
****Unless the hot-button word becomes overused and nonimportant. Examples of this type of mess can be seen in such ableist language as when the words retarded and lame are used to describe something bad. Also, please use your Google-fu on this phrase: Rape Culture.
August 24, 2010 at 2:41 pm
Shiva
Hey! word’s won’t becoming archaic if you don’t let them!
I think, that’s the thing we also need to cede with English language. You’re clear to point out the old definitions have fallen out of use, but why can’t new definitions be made?
Personally, I was raped as a child. For a long time, I cringed when people would mention rape.
But you know what? I felt so much stronger when I realized “rape” is just a word. It made me feel better to mock it and to trivialize the word and cause the word to have no meaning. Does that change what happened in the past? No, it doesn’t. But at least now when I hear the word “rape” I don’t cringe and don’t become terror-struck.
In fact, I am more inclined to laugh. Words only have as much power as you let them have.
August 24, 2010 at 3:06 pm
appletellsall
(please bear with me. full disclosure: I’m still on my first cup of coffee)
It’s an interesting point that you raise in terms of words falling from use, and new words becoming part of general use; Mirriam-Webster is growing every edition, and slang happens, right?
As far as reclamation of language, it’s a funny skinny line. Yes, we all develop a skin in acceptable thicknesses in the name of self-preservation. If we walked out into the world without it, we’d suffer a chronic case of emotional road rash. A word can be just a word, yes, and we can rely on our thick skins to just let a word lie there on the table like a dead fish – we learn how to do this as we grow, right?
But should we have to? Words are powerful, both as a reflection of the society that they’re spoken in, and as an effect upon the society that they are spoken in. In any given conversation, we can see what is or isn’t acceptable by what is said, and, language being viral, that measure of acceptability spreads.
I guess what I’m getting at here is not that I cannot survive through language that’s gross – I have my skin, I have my experience to shield me. I put on my big girl panties & get on with it. What I can’t get behind is that rape is so acceptable that it’s trivialized through what people say – that it’s ok to joke about rape is a huge social statement. A culture that accepts that rape is jokeworthy is a culture that accepts rape as part of normalcy, and as ok.
I’m not ok with that.
For reals, go check out this link – Melissa McEwan breaks it down beautifully:
http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/10/rape-culture-101.html
August 24, 2010 at 9:34 pm
Shiva
I have to admit, reading through that page is quite gut-wrenching and blade-twisting my stomach.
August 24, 2010 at 10:44 pm
appletellsall
It’s a lot – a lot. But part of why it’s important to recognize what’s there is because it’s a lot.
Sending you Big Love and Big Thank Yous for reading it.
xoxox
August 30, 2010 at 7:39 am
Opaug
I just wanted to pass along that this was an interesting read. I appreciated the emotion put into the post, and it did really get me thinking. One thing I’d like to point out, only to add some perspective, is it’s easier for a woman to be taken serious when confronting the innapropriateness use of the word “rape”. I have often spoke out against people tossing around trigger words, such as “rape” and “nigger” (which happens to be tossed around in WoW almost as much as “rape”). I am a white male. I have confronted other white males about using those words, both anonymously in game, and personally in real life. The majority of their responses were defensive strikes or out right name calling. Unfortunately, empathy is a sign of weakness in a male, with other males. Just food for thought. Again, great post and keep up the great work.
August 30, 2010 at 5:51 pm
appletellsall
First of all, thank you for taking the time to read this stuff and to think on it. And thank you for being someone who speaks up.
It’s not easy to speak up sometimes, is it? If it were easy, we wouldn’t be having this dialogue – it wouldn’t be important, because solutions would be all wham-bam-there-it-is. But the thing about people who spout meannesses, is that they have some kind of emotional investment in not being kind. Ah, how placid the waters of Lake Ignorance look when one is paddling along in their douchecanoe, posturing for the whole world to see…
Here’s the thing – anyone can be a jerk. Anyone. And it gets weirder on the internets, for sure. For example, most people assume me to be a guy in-game, judging from how many times I’ve been bro’d (the reply of lol- sis tends to embarrass people, I find, just in case you’re wondering).
Don’t let the world get you all hopeless. Culture, like language, is viral – once ideas meet the light of day, they tend to get passed around, or at least ruminated upon. You can make a difference. And even more so, you, being a white guy, come from a position of enormous priveledge, and so power. Which really leaves you with some obligation to do the right thing with your status, you know? Speak up. Keep being that guy who’s willing to say what he means. Do it up, man – it may be difficult to do it, but remember that while we’re all speaking, by dint of who you are, people may listen to you first. And if you’re willing to bring kindness into the world, it’s capital-i Important stuff to bring to the table.
September 7, 2010 at 7:57 pm
Rape isn’t a good thing. « A High Latency Life
[…] was an article that was in EGM this month that got me thinking about it, and I came across these posts. It got me thinking. This is not a man, or a woman issue. 1 in 33 men are raped, or sexually […]
September 8, 2010 at 6:01 am
That ‘women in gaming’ post « Welcome to Spinksville!
[…] talk about raping their opponents. (Rivs discussed this in a post yesterday, and also linked to appletellsall who makes a poignant call for people to challenge this […]