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Ok, so! Let me tell you what I was super secret squirrel about last week – I made a Thing!

Here’s the scoop – over the last year, Dearest Will & I have been doing yoga together, and both of us have been interested in learning to meditate. It’s been nice that the gentle yoga practice that we do together* has some guided meditation at the end, but we’ve both wanted something more. We tried a yoga nidra cd. We tried some chanting stuff with Deva Primal.** A little flirting with it, right?

And then enter the panic attacks.*** Poor Dearest Will started having them at the end of last year, and has been working with a therapist around that stuff, to some really great success.  A couple months ago, she suggested to him that he should try meditation. Osm, right? She sent him home with some YouTube links, and a mission.

After some browsing the YouTube clips, hilarity ensued, as well as some aggravation on my part – why, for the love of Pete, do meditations always take place on the freaking beach? I find the beach to be one of the most stressful places I can possibly imagine – the heat, the garbage strewn all over the place, the reek of suntan lotion and stale beer, crowds, sand that follows you home and gets into everything you own. Lawdamercy, why??

So I ranted, Will giggled at me ranting, we discussed at length guided meditation clips and what we would both actually want from one. Being a skittery animal  myself,  I held that any good guided meditation should start with, Shh – it’s alright now.

So, in secret, I set to work. I wrote a script. I edited it. I read it out loud to myself and scrapped it. I started again. And again. And a third time, until I got it close to where I wanted it.

Then I emailed my friend Steve. This guy changed my life in 1990, when he handed me a cassette tape with Surfer Rosa  on one side, and Goo on the other side – omogod, blissful noise! Seriously, I had No. Idea.† Anyway – Steve’s still making Good Noise these days, and with that in mind, I asked him if he could do 8 minutes of ambient music suitable for meditation.††

Steve sent me the track he came up with, pointed me in the direction of good (and free to evaluate) mixing software, complete with notes on how to cut and paste pieces and fix volume, and I got the hell on it.

Goings On

Ok, so I’ve been awol for a couple weeks, right? Here’s the scoop (anti-scoop, maybe?) -  I’m working on a project that I can’t talk about just yet (it will be revealed over the weekend, and then I can talk about it), and it’s just killing me. I’ve actually been picking away at this for about a month now (ok, almost two months), and it’s all I want to talk about, but I can’t, so instead I haven’t been talking about much of anything. Except the day-to-day business of being around here, natch, and that doesn’t feel really blogworthy. But then I realized that, indeed, things are happening. So let me tell you about things that are happening (that I can talk about)!

Let’s start with the part where I got adopted by a slam team. Nono, I didn’t make it onto a slam team.* The 2013 Worcester Slam Team asked me to be their coach, and I couldn’t be more honored to work with such an osm group of poets. Watching them come together with their writing has been really great. Also, I would love these people, even if they weren’t writing super poems – they’re just really great people, and I love being in their presence. I feel a little gifted, really – two of them are housemates, and three of them are the ladies with whom I meet to write on Monday nights. It’s been lovely to reconnect to the slam while not having to actually compete – totally fun!

And I’ve been working on a scarf thing. So I saw this really sweet scarf on Pinterest, right? All made up of tiny little crocheted hexagons – so dainty! So pretty! And I was hoping for instructions at the pin’s website, but alas, it’s a picture of something that a blogger had just purchased. And I don’t know how to make hexagons. So I started to dig around to learn how to make hexagons, but in the middle of researching** I had this (somewhat related) idea that I could make a scarf from different sized circles.

And, whoa – surprise! This has been the Most Relaxing Thing Evar. See, I have issues with relaxing, across the board. I always feel like I should be doing something.*** And having something to do with my hands while Screwing Off On Purpose (what most people call Relaxing), calms that business down like no other thing. Guilty pleasure admission: I love to watch teevee and do needlework. So I’m making this scarf, and all of yesterday was spent in front of Hulu, watching episodes of comfortable junk-food teevee like Merlin, and crocheting circles. I’m about half way to Scarf, and plan on showing it off like whoa when it’s all done.

File Under W for Waste Not Want Not

My latest fixation right now is about throwing out less stuff. Part of it is guilt, straight up.* Part of it has to do with seeing what I can do with things that grow . Part of it is about sheer craftiness, seeing what I can re-use or repurpose in kickass ways. Part of it is thriftiness (see also: the brown banana in my freezer, awaiting three like comrades).

This afternoon I turned a decadent little trick with the two dwarves, Guilty and Thrifty,** and just had to share my victory with you.

Dearest Will generally overestimates my morning coffee consumption. We’re both big fans of coffee, but while he’s a guzzler, I’m more of a sipper.*** And he’s sweet and kind, and he makes a fresh pot for us just before we leave for work, topping off our go-cups for the road. But my cup never needs more than an inch or two, so there’s always some left in the pot as we’re about to leave the house – the last 2 cups or so in the carafe, not enough to fill another go-cup, but what feels like too much to throw out.

So yesterday, in anticipation of the heat wave, I stuck it in a container in the fridge. Then this morning I poured in the leftovers again. This afternoon we came home to a roasty house,† I poured the coffee over ice into big mugs, added some sugar and some milk, and whoa, Fanceh Coffees \o/††

What To Do With A Near Empty Fridge

Recently I read a book by Neal Stephenson that captured my attention wholly for a few weeks in some groovy adventure, right? So how come the big detail that keeps rattling around in my head is a comment that one of the narrators makes early on about midwesterners doing some recombinant cooking?* Now every time I start making dinner, I have this Thing hanging over my shoulder asking whether I’m actually cooking or just recombining. Not that there’s anything wrong with a casserole, mind you – I like a casserole every now and then, myself. But I want to consider myself to be cooking when I’m, er, cooking.

Anyway! That thought, and the sudden grody heat spike yesterday, and a fridge full of leftovers,** got me thinking about recombining. And here’s what I came up with: a few simple dishes, some of them salads, all of them tasty, all of them quick. I don’t have a lot of exact measures on stuff because this is a leftovers thing, but none of it is hard to suss out if you taste as you go. Also, this may or may not be considered cooking.

Chilled Spaghetti and Anchovies -
Leftover spaghetti, leftover anchovies that may have come with your pizza last week, a little bit of italian hard cheese (like parmesan or romano). Just chop the anchovies, mix them into the spaghetti, top with a smidge of cheese (not too much – the anchovies are already pretty salty). For fancier, add a few pine nuts.

Apples and Lime -
I mentioned this one last post, but it’s worth mentioning again. Red delicious apples, sliced into 12ths, with half a lime squeezed over for each full apple. Shake it all up to make sure the lime juice gets around, and chill for half an hour in the fridge.

A Zoo Thing

Doing work – two desks to pick from, and I opted for the floor, whut.

A quick check-in while I have time and am near the computer – I’ve missed you over the last few weeks, dear readers!

I’ll start by telling you that I may have found the most perfect, and most perfectly simple, summer dessert: red delicious apple slices with fresh lime juice squeezed over them.* Just slice up the apples (about twelve slices per apple), and squeeze half a lime over it for each whole apple (1 apple : 1/2 lime). The lime juice perfectly perfumes and adds a lovely tartness to the sweet red delicious apples, not to mention, keeps them from turning brown. Chill in the fridge and voila, snack.** So easy, right?

Also, I’ll tell you that it’s been a bit zooey here with the change in the weather and the change in jobs. Freelance and also some art that I’d had to put off digging into full-force for a little while took over most of my free time for a few weeks,*** and any spare time has been spent putting the garden together.

Thursday is Over; & the Weekend Is Sweet

Oh, lawdamercy, can we talk about Thursday? I think I may have finally wrapped my head around Thursday.

This past Thursday started like any other alternate Thursday – Dearest Will and I got up early with Our Man Cub and got him out the door to catch the school bus. We were both pretty happy that it was payday, and I was working on getting shiny because I needed to go to the printer before work to set up the covers for the lovely Zilla McCue’s brand new book* (the interior was already there and would be picked up that afternoon). We went and got the covers printed, and then had a pretty much regular kind of workday.

Being payday, Dearest Will & I hit up the grocery store on the way home. The plan was that we would put away the groceries (we got peach popsicles!) and head over to the printer to pick up the interior of Zilla’s books, and then my biggest intentions were to stick dinner in the oven and get some yoga in while it cooked, put Zilla’s books together, and wash my hair  before going to bed. Instead what happened was that I went to put the popsicles in the freezer, realized I was standing in a pool of water, opened the freezer, and got splashed in the chest with that had previously been frozen business. Whut. I blinked a few times, and then ran downstairs to stick the popsicles in Jaquelyn’s freezer, and my medicine in her fridge, and returned upstairs to seek a solution to the pond in my kitchen.

Look, the fridge had been making ice maker noises for eleven years** in spite of the fact that it did not actually have an ice maker. So we figured hoped this must just be another quirk. Dearest Will got back behind there and vacuumed a cat’s worth of fur out of the workings, and stuck a thermometer in the freezer while we hoped for the best. An hour later it was clear that all was lost – the freezer went down to 44 degrees, and then the temp began to climb. When it hit 47, we knew the fridge was a goner. I said to Will, “Here’s what I’m thinking: I’m going to go pick up Zilla’s books, and then I’m going to go and find us a refrigerator.” He nodded in agreement, spent a few careful minutes on the internets comparing refrigerator prices, and so by 4:30 in the afternoon, we were fed, we had a Plan, we were in the car together, and we were ready to fix some things but good.

Which is right about when everything went a little more pear-shaped.

Office Rent March

Who rolled out of bed this morning and ate three cookies?* OMIGOD, I DID! -urp-

Ok, so these cookies. I’m not, generally speaking, a cookie person. I like a cookie here and there, but usually I prefer a savory treat when it comes down to it. Dearest Will and Our Man Cub, on the other hand, are big fans of cookies, and so when Dee came over for dinner a few weeks ago and offered to bring cookies, I was all, “That would be perfect – dessert sorted. Cool,” and thought no more of it.

Until we got to the cookies and coffee part of the evening and I tried one of those crispy little morsels of crack** heaven. Sister, I could not believe this cookie*** – what perfect, crispy, sweet-salty little miracles. So, of course, I asked for the recipe. Dee joked that it was a secret – that if it got out, that everyone would be addicted to this baked good and it would all be over. Will Dearest said something about sending it in code. Dee said she would try to wrangle it out of her mom (who had made the cookies at our table).

In Dearest Will’s email a couple weeks later, a mysterious file was attached to a note from Dee: Office Rent March. He showed me the attachment and we both squealed like teenage girls – jackpot! The guilty guilty jackpot. And the recipe totally did not self destruct in ten seconds held up – I made these last night and once they had been sampled, I texted Jaquelyn: omg you need to come eat ths cookies nao! She trotted up shortly after to sample the goods. Her reaction: “Holy SHIT.” “What the mnmnmnnn?!” “Can I have another?” “Oh. My. GOD.”

And, so I share the contents of that email attachment with you, Dear Reader, along with my notes. Just, yanno, promise to keep it under wraps.

Lace Cookies (Office Rent, March) – makes 3 dozen†

1 1/2 c Quaker Quick Oats
1 stick unsalted butter, melted
3/4 c sugar
1 Tbsp baking powder
1 tsp flour
1 large egg
1 tsp vanilla

A Lot Happens in a Month

Omg, I did that thing again where I forgot that I had a blog for, like, a month and change. True story: life here has been all over the map.

For starters, I’m still looking for a job – either a second job or a job with more hours – while working part time at a place that’s only going to be around until the end of the year,* and it’s a bit exhausting.** I’m doing some freelance page layout, and still working on selling my art, which totally is helping make the ends come together, but I would really like a bit more security. That aside, household finances are still afloat, even if there’s been some belt-tightening and credit card using involved. Also, I’ve been dealing with an AS flare-up for the last few weeks, which is also exhausting, but finally starting to ease, thank goodness.***

On the lighter side of things, my head has been better than it has been in months. It turns out that not constantly worrying about people being crappy to me at work is pretty osm. Who knew, right? While not being stressed out about that, I’ve managed to get some pretty cool stuff in progress -

Like the  zillion little seedlings in my sun room! The garden is ready to go, and Dearest Will and Our Man Cub were kind enough to rake out the yards and ready them up over the weekend. And on Saturday I went with  Man Cub to the DPW and we filled the cat litter buckets (we’d saved up since autumn) with compost – last year the tomatoes didn’t really get enough sun, and so didn’t ripen well; this year we’re planting them in buckets so we can move them around and find the best spot for them. We thought we would plant this weekend, but it’s still sorta chilly here and there’s a chance of flurries predicted for Tuesday (whut). So we have cucumbers, peas, peppers, squash, melon, and greens in the window, all ready to go into the ground this coming weekend.† And beets! And carrots!

Hello, Universe, Here I Am

So after 22 months at the temp job, I was unceremoniously released with no reason furnished. Maybe they just didn’t want to pay the agency’s fees anymore, who knows. So I packed up. That’s what you do with temp jobs, you pack up and don’t ask questions, and then you call the agency.  Within a few hours I had another part-time temp job (not related to my agency), and was answering the email to HR. Also, I came home that afternoon to a note that I had been accepted as an instructor for a night-life class next month. And I had a high school fiction workshop to lead for the next day. I am grateful – I got out of a job I kinda hated, and I had some things lined up, as well as a few days off to manage my emotions and re-do our family budget. The Universe, clearly, is taking good care of me.

So I re-did the family budget, and we’re going to be ok, but it’s going to be super tight until I get some things rolling. The new job has fewer hours than the last job (many fewer, unfortunately), and pays less, but it’s a steady little something, so I’m thrilled. Also, it gives me time to look for another job. While I’m shifting through Monster and Craigslist, tho’, I thought this might be a good time to put out into the Universe and to you, dear reader, some of the things that I’m good at. For example:

♦ I lay out a brilliant chapbook. I can make your poetry gorgeous and ready to sell at readings. I do these at very reasonable rates,* and at the end can either send you a ready-to-print pdf, or assemble and package them up for you in pretty paper so it feels like Christmas when you receive them. I can also lay out a newsletter, set up post- and greeting cards, posters, flyers, cd packages, and other pretty paper things. You can check out my services here.

Anthology of Babes is out!

Squeeee! It’s here! It’s here! What an honor an privilege it’s been to hear about this book that the divine Ms. Suzi Banks Baum has been compiling over the last year! And what an honor to be included in the anthology!* It’s a bitchin’ compilation of women’s voices, put together to benefit two important organizations that provide vital services to women in Berkshire County, Massachusetts:  The Community Health Programs (CHP) and Volunteers in Medicine Berkshires (VIM Berkshires), which provide free and low-cost medical care and services to women in need. Right? Right!

And how stoked am I to be going to the release party tomorrow night?! On Friday the Berkshire Featival of Women Writers kicks off with Laundry Line Divine presents: Out of the Mouths of Babes: An Evening of Mothers Reading to Others. Hosted by Suzi Banks Baum and featuring readings by Suzi, Alana Chernila, Nichole Dupont, Janet Reich Elsbach, Michelle Gillett, and Jenny Laird, and celebrating the book launch of An Anthology of Babes: 35 Women Give Motherhood a Voice. It’s at Dewey Hall, in Sheffield, MA from 7–9: 30 p.m.$5 suggested donation. Returning this year after a standing-room-only premiere at last year’s Festival, Out of the Mouths of Babes offers readings from six Berkshire women authors, ranging from a young single mother to a mother of adult children. Come to the event to be entertained, challenged, echoed, and encouraged. Favorite bedtime snacks will be served at intermission, and following the readings, the audience is invited to participate in a discussion of motherhood and creativity led by Suzi Banks Baum.

Please come out and play – it was packed to the gills last year when the event was at Simon’s Rock, and this year promises to be a Big Deal too. If you can’t make it out, and would like a copy of the book to hold in your hands, you can always order a copy at http://www.anthologyofbabes.com. Hope to see you there!

*Re-entry