Who rolled out of bed this morning and ate three cookies?* OMIGOD, I DID! -urp-

Ok, so these cookies. I’m not, generally speaking, a cookie person. I like a cookie here and there, but usually I prefer a savory treat when it comes down to it. Dearest Will and Our Man Cub, on the other hand, are big fans of cookies, and so when Dee came over for dinner a few weeks ago and offered to bring cookies, I was all, “That would be perfect – dessert sorted. Cool,” and thought no more of it.

Until we got to the cookies and coffee part of the evening and I tried one of those crispy little morsels of crack** heaven. Sister, I could not believe this cookie*** – what perfect, crispy, sweet-salty little miracles. So, of course, I asked for the recipe. Dee joked that it was a secret – that if it got out, that everyone would be addicted to this baked good and it would all be over. Will Dearest said something about sending it in code. Dee said she would try to wrangle it out of her mom (who had made the cookies at our table).

In Dearest Will’s email a couple weeks later, a mysterious file was attached to a note from Dee: Office Rent March. He showed me the attachment and we both squealed like teenage girls – jackpot! The guilty guilty jackpot. And the recipe totally did not self destruct in ten seconds held up – I made these last night and once they had been sampled, I texted Jaquelyn: omg you need to come eat ths cookies nao! She trotted up shortly after to sample the goods. Her reaction: “Holy SHIT.” “What the mnmnmnnn?!” “Can I have another?” “Oh. My. GOD.”

And, so I share the contents of that email attachment with you, Dear Reader, along with my notes. Just, yanno, promise to keep it under wraps.

Lace Cookies (Office Rent, March)makes 3 dozen

1 1/2 c Quaker Quick Oats
1 stick unsalted butter, melted
3/4 c sugar
1 Tbsp baking powder
1 tsp flour
1 large egg
1 tsp vanilla

A couple quick notes before the recipe:
– The recipe specifies a specific brand of quick oats. This may be because it reacts the best, or it may be due to dietary restrictions the original baker was working with, I’m not sure. Being an inexperienced baker, and knowing that other bakers know more about this business of treat-making than I do, I followed the recipe to the letter. (Also, there weren’t any other options in our grocery store – I checked out of curiosity.)
– It’s not a typo – that’s one teaspoon of flour. That’s all you need.  The originator of the recipe was aiming for low-gluten, but seeing as it came out brilliantly, clearly, she knew what she was doing.
– This will not look like cookie dough. Do not panic, you’re totes on the right track.
– You’ll need some parchment paper, 3 sheets of it, to be precise. No joke – I have no idea how you would get the finished cookies off the sheet if you didn’t use it. You can re-use the parchment that has been baked. What I did was set up two cookie sheets to go into the oven. As one came out, I set the parchment with the cookies aside to cool a bit, put the already set-up pan in the oven, and set up the empty parchment on the sheet that had just come out, ready to go in. When the next batch came out, I had an empty parchment to go on it. Hence, three parchments, two pans.

Ok, we’re good. Let’s make some cookies!

1. Measure the oats into one large-ish bowl. This will be your primary mixing bowl. Melt the butter on low (I set my electric range to number 2). Preheat the oven to 350.

2. While the butter is melting, mix together the rest of the dry ingredients in another bowl, and in a third bowl, whisk together the egg and the vanilla.

3. Add the melted butter to the oats and mix well to coat. Add the dry ingredients and combine thoroughly. Add the egg mixture and combine thoroughly.

4. Drop the mixture 1 tsp at a time (not a typo – one teaspoon. These babies spread out, which you want. This will be a thin, crispy cookie.) onto the parchment, leaving lots of room between. I got nine cookies to a sheet.

5. Bake for 8 minutes (keep an eye on them – if your oven is a little spotty like mine, some batches may take less or more time. I had one batch that was done in 6 mins). The edges should be golden brown and the middles no longer bubbling. Transfer the parchment to a rack to cool for a couple minutes (they will firm up while cooling) before transferring the individual cookies to the cooling rack. Once thoroughly cooled (give it an hour?), store any that you haven’t eaten in an airtight container.

Voila! These cookies come out deliciously salty-sweet and delightfully crisp, and don’t taste anything at all like oats. They are delightful with coffee and I’m sure with tea. Enjoy!


*And may or may not be a little bit sugared up.
**Look – after four years in social work and addictions, I don’t use that comparison lightly.
***Especially after I had been told that they were low-gluten – so much of the low-gluten and gluten-free world is just cardboard-y or psyllium husk gooey. These babies are none of that – not even on the same page. Not even in the same book
†It might actually make 4 dozen. We were picking them off as they became cool enough to be crisp. I got so sugared up that, honestly, I cannot remember how many times I put the pans in the oven.