I just – I don’t even know where to start, sister. This week – omg, this week. You know what? Really, this month.

Do I start with the part where everything broke? Because everything broke. Will Dearest is home now, recovering from open heart surgery on the 6th, did I forget to mention? He’s on the mend, thank gawd, and I’m watching, because I need to see him heal – I need it like water and food and sleep.*

Then there was the porch fire. And then there was the debit card that stopped working for no good reason while Will was in the hospital (and started working again the next day for no good reason). And the PayPal that was caught on the verge of being hacked and so the card had to be cancelled & reordered. And then there was the bit where the number keys on the Chromebook I use for Rabbit Heart Poetry Film Festival stopped working and I replaced it only to get it home and find out the new one didn’t work (or the other two at Best Buy).**


photo credit Sarah Guimond

Then on Friday there was a flash flood that soaked down poor Nick’s  – our venue for Rabbit Heart – and took out the power. But the power came back on right before six! And then, as we were celebrating the lights being on, there was an explosion (I am not kidding – a big BOOM and smoke and smell and panic) down the block and the power went back off.***

But Rachel Kann who represents the stuffing out of R♥ in all the Best Ways, and who held my hand all day & made me know that everything would be all right, and then carried the carpet out of my office to the new venue, and then reminded me that I need to eat too
But Will Dearest and his dad and their Good Ideas and Hadwen Park Congregational Church
But Will Dearest again, who ripped my ass out of the freaking fire

But Nicole & the staff at Nick’s who not only took care of us Hard and Deep, but sent us off with popcorn while they waited in the candlelight with flyers and maps and directions (and we made plans not only for next year, but for maybe in-between too!)
But Christian who hauled the bigass amp to and from the venue like it was Just Something He Does
But Molly who moved stuff and took pictures and breathed with me
But April & Ted Desmond who picked up food and mobilized like the sharp side of an end-raid two-man bossfight and then took pictures, even
But Tony img_3099Brown and Melissa Mitchell who hauled and organized and set up and emcee’d and still remained glamorous like omg
But Our Man Cub and his Sweetie who moved tons of stuff, cut things down, drilled holes, punched tickets, set up, and brought me coffee (because my kid and his friends? Are abso-fucking-lutely AMAZING human beings and anyone who has shit to say about “those millennials” can screw right off RAWR)
But Aisha who sent good energy all the way from South Dakota, and opened the show in the best way I could never ever do justice to myself 

But Elu who texted me love with all the emoticons I needed
But Cassie & Howie, my guildmates who prayed on it
But the Knight Family (Go Team Orange Ponies on Vicodin!) who came all the way from TX and loved me up good
But the Guimond Sisters who were amazing (and gorgeous) as usual
But Rushelle & Nick, too, who showed up in high spirits and side-hugged me back to the right side of the world again
But Shira Moolton & her parents – safe in Worcester and not stuck on the road between here & Philly or lost between venues!
But Seren, who inspires me and came all the way from NYC to be at festival
But Lex Thomas, who touched base from Canada, and whose gorgeous handmade necklace I wore to the show
But Joie, who has egged me on and caught me when I fell into crises of confidence
But Renata Davis who made it in from Boston & wants to be part of this more!
But Bob & Ted, who, just seeing them in the room made me feel alive and peer and well-taken care of & in the presence of great love
But Allan & Katie who are a freaking POWER COUPLE, and made sure folks had rides, and reminded me to breathe
But Jenith who showed up with glitter on her eyelids and in a swank purple dress (hawt!) and who believes hard enough for both of us and even offered yoga on the Monday to come
But Angel who calls me Mama Viking and I love to pieces and I could feel his love and joy all the way from where he was tonight in FL
But Nancy, who kept sending cat pictures (::hugs!::)
But Ruby who connected me with LEEP and who beamed tonight at Audrey
But Liz who showed up with her amazing blue hair and took pictures too
But Joy & her friend who are incredibly patient and kind and came all the way from MD & whom I just met & who hug really well & whom already adore
But Heather Mac who couldn’t be there, but was still there in our little swag bags and I could feel her spirit
But Heidi Therrien who made a movie for the first time this year and then came out and totally went home in love with this thing
But Jennifer Hudgens who made me feel like a freaking rockstar when she namechecked me on Facebook yesterday, even tho’ I was too shy to respond
But High Flying Masterinds Suzi and Linda (and Jonathan, too!) who came out from the wilds of Western MA to witness and eat food and be strong for me when I was staring into the void just after the explosion and couldn’t make a decision
But Cindy St. Onge and Annelyse Gelmann and Ana Prole and Polina Herodyska who make me feel good and wanted and worthy in this poetryfilm thing
But Birgit & Louis who gilded and glowed
But Angela and Randall who are calming and supportive and generous and kind
But Karen G whose energy and love I could feel across the miles and whom I trusted too with Emergency Plans when I thought I might get hit by a bus last week
But Gary Hoare who keeps churning out amazing work for this festival
But H Paul Moon, who brought on the Grand Prize work
But Audrey, our First Chair Intern who finally got to see what it’s all about


But but but –

But listen – here’s the thing: this community, y’all. You see how everyone came together? I am so GD Proud, and I am so freaking HONORED to be part of this, and I feel so well taken care of I could absolutely cry (ok, I’m crying). And all this to say, thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.

And now tonight the monitor is on the blink and I can’t open .rar files. Wtf. I can barely. I’m going to bed now, y’all.
*I need sleep, but I’m kind of crap at it right now.
**Even my vibrator broke, y’all.
***They finally got power back last night around midnight