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So I lost something sometime over the last few years, and I didn’t even realize I had lost it. The good news is, I think I found it over the weekend. Let me explain.

I forget stuff sometimes – important stuff – because I’m so fixated on stamping out the little fires of day-to-day living, and trying to piece together chaos in my head, that things just slip. Like my own history, for example – I forget that I’m the sum of my parts, and where I’ve been. I’ve always felt like I’m only as good as the last thing I did, and so don’t tend to put too much stock in the things that I’m not doing anymore, but I don’t remember to at least give where I have been and what I have learned enough credence. As soon as whatever I was last doing is done, I get all emotionally hungover and find myself thinking that I’m not doing anything, and furthermore, never will do anything ever again.* I’m certainly not as good or as cool as that girl who was doing that thing a few weeks ago, right?

And that’s the funk I’ve been in for months.  I’ve been working and playing around with some projects, but nothing with any real focus – just a little here, a little there – dicking around, rather than really doing.

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December 2011